So last night a new season of One Tree Hill debuted. My lovely two roommates and I decided to watch so that we could mock it together. I have to say it is far more enjoyable to bash this show with others of similar TV taste. Because by the end of the night I had the headache to end all and I’m blaming you Mark Schwann.
As a TV resolution, I promised to find ONE nice thing to say about OTH before bashing it. Here is that nice thing: Happy Peyton. But that also brings to the rant.
I could put up a spoiler warning, but if you honestly and deepy care about One Tree Hill enough to not want to be spoiled, you probably won’t enjoy my rant.
- OTH’s knock you over the head imagery. The guy at the beginning asking Lucas to choose between three queens? Honestly? Don’t insult your audience. Not to mention telegraph completely that the opening sequence was all in Lucas’s head.
- Low to no Haley. WE LIKE HALEY. More Haley.
- Jamie’s little jig. If Jamie dancing to himself keeps him from talking a lot on screen, I’m all for it.
- Skillz being reduced to an idiot and then hooking up with Grandma Ho.
- Anybody else think that Millie’s pregnant in real life? Go back and rewatch her placements, the baggy clothes, the clipboards and purses she’s carrying. Yeah, we know why they are shipping you off to Tulsa with Mouth now.
- Speaking of, Mouth’s haircut?! Helllllo Minkus. Instead of aging him up with the rest of the cast, they actually made him look younger and dorkier. Please. Brooke wouldn’t stand for that.
- Now, not only is Brooke getting no love, she’s getting the ever loving snot beaten out of her. Not cool. Did we not already go through two psycho storylines in the last two years?
- SPEAKING OF, STUPID LUCAS. Do not bring up Peyton’s stalker. EVER. and not in bed. Are you out of your mind?
- Which also leads to the COMPLETE Misery rip off in the psycho nanny/evil Dan. First, we should never empathize with Dan. Second, pscyho nanny needed to go because she can’t act.
- Happy Peyton had better last. In fact, at one point I threatened aloud that if Peyton and Lucas ended up in a car wreck on their way to happy wedded bliss, I might throw something at my TV.
- Meanwhile, if/when they do finally marry off Lucas and Peyton IT NEEDS TO STICK. Realistic, happy and interesting TV couples DO EXIST (See: Monica & Chandler, Coach & Tami Taylor, oh I dunno Nathan & Hayley for crying out loud.) If this whole marrying Lucas thing doesn’t work out the ONLY reason I’d give it a pass is for Jake. Jake’s other show got cancelled, call him up.
Sigh, okay I think that’s it. I do love Victoria. I’d almost like to see her and evil Dan hook up just for spite.